Then What?

You ever have one of those days where you stop what you're doing to wonder what the next thing you'll do is? Do you ever wonder why that's the next thing you're doing?

I didn't use to. I use to just be in constant gogogogogo mode doing thing after thing to reach some goal or another.

Then there came a point where I went... "wait a minute... why am I doing this?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything against creating something significant, pursuing higher education, or anything else of that nature. There's nothing bad about those things in and of themselves at all; in fact, they can be very good pursuits indeed.

But there is that baseline question of "why?" that must be settled.

And for me, there was a point where a lot of my "whys" where things like "leaving a lasting impression." Again, nothing wrong with that in itself, but really... when I think about it... it seems like chasing after the wind.

Even if I were to succeed in doing something that would be remembered for centuries to come, even if I somehow had the impact of a Martin Luther or something, what would I gain from it? What good is notoriety for a dead man?

Sure, sure... I doubt Luther was thinking about his own gains when he led the Reformation, and no doubt what he did has had a lasting impression to better Christendom. Sure, I've had some ambitions to make an impact for the good of others rather than building my own legacy.

But how often is that honestly the case? Not often at all.

I look at more common ambitions of people, ambitions I have also held... things like a strong retirement package, a business that has my name on it for a hundred years to come, etc... things that require a lifetime of hard work to try and achieve, and even then probability of success isn't high.

Again, nothing wrong with these things, but are they really worth it?

I don't think they are very often. The reality is, as a modern American, barring unnatural causes of death, I'll probably live to be somewhere in my 80s. I'm in my 20s now. Do I wanna work really hard, killing myself in the process, in hope of a nice retirement for the last 20 years of my life?

Not really, no. I wanna enjoy life while I can fully embrace it. I sound so unambitious these days... no longer interested in huge ideas and goals.

But I daresay I'm more ambitious than ever before.

I don't work myself to the bone day in and day out, but I take every day as it comes to me and make the most of it.

I'll take a chance on things today. I'll live in the moment.

I'm not advocating total irresponsibility, but nobody knows what tomorrow will hold, so I'm going to live for today. I'll still have general longer term aims (like getting my degrees)... but they stay generalized so as to make it easier to stay focused on the present.

Believe it or not, my reasoning is very much based on Biblical teaching, but I'll save the theological approach to my view on daily living for another time.