The Nice Guy

Hello. My name is Kenny, and I'm a lifelong nice guy. You know me, that guy who does anything he can to make your life just a little bit better. That guy who you overlook nine times out of ten, that's me.

I'll stop before I further offend or mislead you. See, this isn't a post meant to complain about being a nice guy. This isn't a post meant to cause you to look at me, and other guys like me, in a different light (though this would hardly be a bad thing for far too many people, whether or not you are one of them). This isn't a post meant to get you to praise me for the sacrifices I make.

None of these things are what this post is about. It is true that I am all too easily overlooked or taken for granted, but there's a reason for that. The "nice guy gene" seems hardwired into me; I don't think I could help but care about you to the extent that I do, nor could I help but go out of my way to do things for you even when I know you won't even notice how much it takes for me to do such things.

But the challenge is in the fact that I know no other way to live. Even if I could change the way I live, I don't think I would want to. Sure, I've been pushed aside in every aspect of life (be it vocational, education, or, especially, relational) because I set myself up to serve instead of be served; I care instead of demanding that I be cared for.

Make no mistake, experience has shown time and time again that the adage "Nice guys finish last" is very, very true. I can't count the number of times I thought it would be worth changing who I am to get ahead. I've never been able to understand why girls are almost always attracted to self-centered jerks yet never see the nice guys as potentially being anything more than friends (which is not to say that they do not value said friendships). I'll be forthright, I've found the temptation to fight my nice guy nature to become a jerk just to gain a girl's notice. The same goes for work and school situations.

But I've never done that. Maybe I just don't have the strength to overcome my nature; I won't rule that possibility out. However, I'd much prefer to think that it's because, at some subconscious level, I don't think it a good idea to change myself from being the nice guy to being the jerk (an archetype I loathe) just to reach an end. I don't think I would ultimately find satisfaction in something I had to change my very essence to achieve.

Which isn't to say that there may not be any places where I'm too passive, or even too forgiving (if such a thing is possible), but being a nice guy is core to my character. It's something I simply have to live with and accept the results of it. It can be painful at times, infuriating at others, but I ultimately don't want to give up being a nice guy.

So I find hope in something someone once said to me: "The nice guy finishes best."

It's a crazy concept. To a Christian like myself, it shouldn't be a totally foreign one (as it reflects the Beatitudes as preached by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew), but it remains a revolutionary concept.

Experience shows this claim to be as equally true as the one before. True, being a nice guy may have cost me chances at promotions or relationships, and the pain of those things is real, but there is satisfaction in knowing that I did things my way (which, I would like to think, means with honor, integrity, and charity). Being taken advantage of by friends sucks, and it does hurt, but knowing that I could continue to serve and show my love for my friends in this respect anyway makes it oddly worthwhile. (Though I certainly wouldn't mind if you all were a little more aware of the way you treat nice guys.)

So I do find peace in this. Sure, it may not be as easy to be a nice guy, it may not be as fun or enjoyable, it may take a lot longer to get what I want, but it is ultimately more rewarding and satisfactory. And that, to me, makes it worthwhile.


In lighter news, I tried running tonight a couple times during my evening walk. I didn't make it far, but I didn't have any asthma-like shortness of breath, and I recovered from the running faster than I used to. This is great stuff, indeed! Also, for the first time in a million years, I actually bought a candy bar. Oh man. Butterfingers are so good it's crazy.