The End is Nigh

I'm so close to being done with this term that I can taste it. I know my posting has been sparse, so here's the deal: The last week or two have practically been hell with the insane amounts of scholastic work and stress. Add on top of school stuff the whole matter of moving, and the stress level only went up.

I thought for sure I'd snap, but I didn't have any serious stress-related incidents. How great is that?

Now, I'm less than a week from moving 3000 miles back to the far corner of the continental States. I'm looking forward to it. Leaving my friends here behind is going to suck, though.

I'm sure there is more to say, and I will try to do that in due time, but I'm ready to crash. Time to relax. Maybe even play some Neverwinter Nights (which is amazing).

The News

I promised an update would come to explain away the vagueness of my last post. Well, this is that update. I won't get into the fine details this time around, truth be told I'm the most stressed and exhausted I've been in over a year right now, but here's the big deal.

I'm moving back to Washington in two and a half weeks. For many reasons, it is the best option available to me. It sucks royally that I'll be leaving my friends behind, and I've come this close to staying purely for the sake of being with them, but I'm sad to say that there seem to be bigger issues in play.

The nice thing is that relationships can and do survive long distance. I don't feel particularly less close to my family than I did four months ago despite the three thousand miles between us. Likewise, I know that friendships can be kept up over distance. True, it won't be as easy, but it is doable, and I intend to do just that.

There are probably a million things I could talk about right now, but the pressures of this school week are hitting me hard right now, so I'll have to write about whatever else in the not-too-distant-future.

Adieu.

A Request

Beloveds,

I've been super busy lately. I've had tons of schoolwork to do, with more to go, I've been trying to maintain a social life, and I started playing baseball with the school team in the works. The last part has already brought some minor injuries.

I wish I could talk at length about the things running through this mind of mine right now, but I can't. There is too much going on in here, and the more pressing matters are not ones that I can discuss right now. However, I do ask this, if you're one for praying, pray that which of the paths before me I ought to walk.

Things could get really interesting really quick depending on which path I go down.

I'll try to get back to meaningful and insightful posts in the near future, so please bear with me as I try to keep on top of livin' la vida loca.

Kenny

As Promised

I said I had an idea for a new post, and now I've got to deliver. Remember me talking about self-discipline and whatnot? My experience recently has led me to realize something yet again.

In my lack of self-discipline in academic pursuits, I found my grades were starting to take a hit. Wanting to get my grades back up, I decided that I would ask certain professors if there were any opportunities for make-up/extra credit. This is all well and good, but asking this came at a cost.

I had to own up to my shortcomings.

Make no mistake, few who do not suffer from depression or an unhealthy self-perspective find it easy to own up to failures and shortcomings. Doing so this week, admitting to my professors that I had been offering less than my best, was no easy task whatsoever.

I'm fairly certain that I'm naturally gifted in academic matters, so this is especially a difficult thing to own up to. That being said, doing so was both necessary and good, for I learned something:

Despite the injury to my pride that came with owning up to these shortcomings, there is a certain relief and freedom that comes with this admission of shortcoming. The admission of incomplete humanity (that is to say the element of humanity that is weak and prone to failure) brings with it the reminder that perfection is neither held nor attainable.

In a less wordy fashion: my pride may have taken a hit recently, but I can let go of this notion that I am, or ought to be, without any faults because of it. It's a load of pressure taken off of my shoulders, and it's nice.

This isn't to say that I should revel in my flaws, far from it, but being honest about them is hugely underrated.

Another Return!

Just as I was out sick for a week and had lots of time to reflect, I have been without laptop for the last forever and have returned with a host of new realizations. The reflection period in my sickness revealed overall direction for life and other such things. The new realizations are ones regarding lifestyle and practice.

Indeed, it should come as no surprise, but I find that among the virtues, the one I most lack is self-discipline. It's true.

Sadly, I can't really comment more on this at the moment. Part of applying self-discipline for me means learning to prioritize. Right now, my Hebrew assignment is more important than writing a long, self-revealing blog post about my shortcomings.

Oh, but that gives me a good topic for tomorrow's post.

Adieu, mon amis. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Tech Failures

Hey folks,

My laptop power adapter is looking like it's wholly dead now. I probably won't be able to update until I get a new adapter, and that will be coming from Hong Kong once I purchase it.

Alas.

See ya on the flip side.

Slacking

Well, friends, t seems I've been slacking a little lately. Missed last night's blog update on account of being tired, and I missed tonight's walk on account of eating too late. It's funny how easy it is to get off of being disciplined.

And sadly, I've seen the results of that a lot lately. I have so much schoolwork to get caught up on or otherwise on top of. Which is what I'm doing right now.

Which is why I'm going to go now. I'll try to write an awesome post tomorrow. I saw Surrogates a day or two ago, and it will serve as a great source for my next post.

The Nice Guy

Hello. My name is Kenny, and I'm a lifelong nice guy. You know me, that guy who does anything he can to make your life just a little bit better. That guy who you overlook nine times out of ten, that's me.

I'll stop before I further offend or mislead you. See, this isn't a post meant to complain about being a nice guy. This isn't a post meant to cause you to look at me, and other guys like me, in a different light (though this would hardly be a bad thing for far too many people, whether or not you are one of them). This isn't a post meant to get you to praise me for the sacrifices I make.

None of these things are what this post is about. It is true that I am all too easily overlooked or taken for granted, but there's a reason for that. The "nice guy gene" seems hardwired into me; I don't think I could help but care about you to the extent that I do, nor could I help but go out of my way to do things for you even when I know you won't even notice how much it takes for me to do such things.

But the challenge is in the fact that I know no other way to live. Even if I could change the way I live, I don't think I would want to. Sure, I've been pushed aside in every aspect of life (be it vocational, education, or, especially, relational) because I set myself up to serve instead of be served; I care instead of demanding that I be cared for.

Make no mistake, experience has shown time and time again that the adage "Nice guys finish last" is very, very true. I can't count the number of times I thought it would be worth changing who I am to get ahead. I've never been able to understand why girls are almost always attracted to self-centered jerks yet never see the nice guys as potentially being anything more than friends (which is not to say that they do not value said friendships). I'll be forthright, I've found the temptation to fight my nice guy nature to become a jerk just to gain a girl's notice. The same goes for work and school situations.

But I've never done that. Maybe I just don't have the strength to overcome my nature; I won't rule that possibility out. However, I'd much prefer to think that it's because, at some subconscious level, I don't think it a good idea to change myself from being the nice guy to being the jerk (an archetype I loathe) just to reach an end. I don't think I would ultimately find satisfaction in something I had to change my very essence to achieve.

Which isn't to say that there may not be any places where I'm too passive, or even too forgiving (if such a thing is possible), but being a nice guy is core to my character. It's something I simply have to live with and accept the results of it. It can be painful at times, infuriating at others, but I ultimately don't want to give up being a nice guy.

So I find hope in something someone once said to me: "The nice guy finishes best."

It's a crazy concept. To a Christian like myself, it shouldn't be a totally foreign one (as it reflects the Beatitudes as preached by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew), but it remains a revolutionary concept.

Experience shows this claim to be as equally true as the one before. True, being a nice guy may have cost me chances at promotions or relationships, and the pain of those things is real, but there is satisfaction in knowing that I did things my way (which, I would like to think, means with honor, integrity, and charity). Being taken advantage of by friends sucks, and it does hurt, but knowing that I could continue to serve and show my love for my friends in this respect anyway makes it oddly worthwhile. (Though I certainly wouldn't mind if you all were a little more aware of the way you treat nice guys.)

So I do find peace in this. Sure, it may not be as easy to be a nice guy, it may not be as fun or enjoyable, it may take a lot longer to get what I want, but it is ultimately more rewarding and satisfactory. And that, to me, makes it worthwhile.


In lighter news, I tried running tonight a couple times during my evening walk. I didn't make it far, but I didn't have any asthma-like shortness of breath, and I recovered from the running faster than I used to. This is great stuff, indeed! Also, for the first time in a million years, I actually bought a candy bar. Oh man. Butterfingers are so good it's crazy.

Getting Back On Track

I love puns. I really do. I'm writing this as a sequel of sorts to a former post titled "Falling Off Track." That post used the real-world example of walking around the track here at school to make a point. Fittingly enough, this post is doing the same.

See, I said a short while back that I had been walking on a nightly basis for exercise, enjoyment, and entertaining others (I needed a third e-word). Walking was a habit I set out to create. I had to keep doing it night after night in order to make sure that I would build a body memory and continue to do so in the days to come. Then I got sick and couldn't walk for a week or so.

I started again two or three nights ago. I missed last night on account of studying for a midterm, but tonight I was out there on the track again. It felt great, but even more important than that is the fact that I was back at working on building a good habit.

With this comes another realization: Doing good things isn't always easy, immediately rewarding, or going to result in feeling great. Still, things like longterm health are worth working for despite these things.

Likewise, spiritual habits follow a similar pattern. I know I need to work on developing a habit of regular, extra-curricular Bible study, for example. I could make excuses. I could justify myself. I could do a lot of things, but there's really no point. There is something better that I could realistically, feasibly be doing. There's no need to further focus on what hasn't been true when I can be focused on making things better now.

I'm not fond of dwelling on the past (be the past good or bad) beyond learning from it in order to improve the future in the way I live and think now.

Progress

So, it seems already progress is being made in some significant places.

First of all, chapel today was awesome. One of my professors was the speaker, which he did not know about until last night, and it reaffirmed things I had been thinking through over the last week or so. It really drove home for me (not necessarily directly) my thoughts on being uncompromising (in terms of righteousness, that is) and the need to totally follow God.

Now, I'm talking with my man Caleb about starting a Christian hardcore band. Yeah. Things are looking good so far. Time will tell where this goes, but I'm excited. We've got a lot of the same tastes, and the same ideas on songwriting. Just need my guitar gear here so I can get started on more writing.

There are other interesting things, too, but that will have to wait. I need sleep.

Back for More

Two nights in a row, I've been up far too late. This time, I didn't go to sleep until after seven in the morning. That was a brilliant move. Actually, it was really good times, and it was productive, too. Unfortunately, I got less than five hours of sleep because of this (even with the help of Tylenol PM). Alas. The things I do.

Lately, I've been feeling the desire more and more to join or start a band. I'm especially fond of the idea of starting a heavy rock or melodic metal style band, but mostly I just want to make and perform music.

Tonight, I present to you a work in progress lyric. So far, I have two verses and a turnaround. I'll pick up on the chorus, third verse, breakdown, and whatever else I feel the need to add. This is the first of my metal projects. Music won't be able to begin until I get my guitar gear shipped here in the near future, but lyrics and ideas are a good start.

Without further ado, check it out.

Though you were damned
You have been saved
Though you were lost
I paved the way
My blood was shed
My body slain
I paid the price
You could not pay

Have you forgotten
What led you here?

Grace of the Father
Now manifested
Poured out upon Me
Wrath uncontested
All this for you
And willingly
I laid down My life
So you could see

Woooooow

I was up late last night. 4:30 by my time. I then woke up at 9:30 to go to church. I got stood up for that... and was back asleep by 11:00 or so. I then slept until 2:00 or so.

It's been a crazy day. I spent most of it at, or getting to/from, New Smyrna Beach for Current, a monthly night of praise at a church out there. Two bands played tonight. One was a Hispanic band with an awesome lead guy. The other band is the band that two of my roommates play in.

I've unofficially become their sound guy since I have formal experience in such matters, and their tech, while nice and wanting to learn, has little experience in it. Tonight was an outdoor gig (it was crazy cold), and it was my first outdoor gig. I still don't enjoy having thirty people trying to tell me how to do my job, but I'm pretty used to it (not sure why everyone thinks they're qualified to tell the sound guy how to do his job when they don't tell the guitarists how to do theirs... it's rather degrading). I digress, though. Mixing outside was awesome. The night sounded fantastic overall, and it felt good to be doing something significant.

Which leads me to another consideration. I'm admittedly not a strong supporter of "go to church every Sunday" so long as doing that is done simply for its own sake. The arguments made for going to church every week, in my experience, aren't actually supported by going to church every week in practice. Unfortunate, that.

Still, as I feel like I'm meant to be a part of formal ministry, I know now more than ever that I should get legitimately involved with a local church instead of visiting churches from time to time and helping out with special events when they come up. So, this week, my project is to find a church to legitimately plug in with. I don't know yet what I want to plug in with (music, tech, discipleship, leadership, etc.).

It'll be interesting to see what happens. God only knows. I'm kinda hoping to plug in with a music ministry because I love music so much, but the future still lies ahead of me.

Upon Further Reflection

So, along with being sick all this week, and being left to myself, I've had a lot of time to think through a lot of things. Sure, I've had to be careful about how much weight I give this reflection, having had some mild delirium most of this week and all, but there've been some thoughts rolling around in my mind that make a lot of sense.

See, I've been thinking about what will come after I finish up here at Florida Christian College in a year and a half. That's a year and a half away, and God only knows what will happen between now and then, but I'm starting to feel like I'm going to end up back in the Northwest when I'm done here.

It's funny. I've absolutely loved it here in Florida. I haven't missed the Northwest at all. It's where I've spent most of my life, but it doesn't exactly feel like "home" to me. Then again, neither does Florida or even my much loved Texas. Maybe it's possible that (subconsciously) I just don't consider any earthly dwelling to be "home." That's kind of cool, really.

But I digress from where I was going with this. See, as I think I've mentioned here (or on one of my Facebook Notes), I have this feeling that I'm intended for formal ministry. Realistically, the Northwest is least churched region in America. Then, like I said, it's where I've spent most of my life. This gives me a natural, firsthand understanding of the culture. If I were to return, I think I would also be fulfilling the aspect of the Great Commission that says "go into all the world."

Moreover, I've seen a lot of things go wrong with ministers' hands are anywhere near ministry money. Because of that, I've more or less decided that I don't want to be a paid minister even if I minister formally. Unless if God reveals this to be a pride issue (though I really don't think it is since I'm wanting to follow in the apostle Paul), my goal is to make a living through traditional means.

The added bonus to the Northwest is that I'm a formally educated computer guy (complete with degree), employed general tech guy, and, above all, I really do want to do something significant with music (and feel that God has given me musical talents for more than just my own enjoyment and occasional music leading for church functions). The Northwest is home of a great deal of technology-driven businesses, and, though I'm not particularly artsy, the culture is well suited to rising musicians. Which makes me say "Hmm. This actually makes a lot of sense."

To top it all off, I still very much plan on going to seminary. The more I think about seminary, though, the more I wonder if I really do need to go to Dallas Theological Seminary. Yes, I would love to go there. Yes, it is probably the most influential school in the reformed sector of Christianity. However, do I need to go there to accomplish God's intentions for me, or do I want to go there for the sake of going to what I consider to be the most prestigious seminary option for my purposes?

There's nothing wrong with going to a prestigious school, and the education there would be phenomenal, but would it excel significantly beyond an education elsewhere? Is it possible that God's purposes for me could just as soon be achieved with Master's work through another seminary? I'm inclined to say that the latter is likely to be true. As I see my student loans piling up for my Bachelor's degree, and I know that I could get into a completely legitimate seminary in the Northwest for a much lower price tag, financial responsibility starts to become a consideration.

Ah, but that's all that these things are right now: Considerations. I'm not saying that I will definitely be returning to the Northwest for good in a year and a half. However, I am saying that I'm not bent on staying here. I'll go where God leads, and the possibility of that being back to the Northwest is starting to look reasonable and even likely.

That's the latest in the mind of Kenny.

Woo Boy!

It's been a sick week. No. Literally. I've been sick almost all week. Since I don't think many-a-Florida Christian College students actually read my blog, I guess I'll go ahead and let this little piece of intel slip: I was diagnosed with the swine flu Wednesday afternoon via a phone consultation with my doctor back home.

I haven't outrightly said this on my Facebook because creating a panic is rarely a good thing. I'd have a great deal of fun creating such a panic, but my makeshift conscience (a friend of mine who can play the voice of reason when need be) said not to do it. Oh well.

Probably for the better that I didn't trust my own reasoning. See, Tuesday morning is when I got sick; from Tuesday night 'til now, I've been living under the influence of delirium. The sensation of being amped is annoying, but I've been looking on the bright side of my situation and enjoying the chaotic nature of being in a delirious state. Seriously, you may not realize this about me, but I have a filter on most of what I say. It's not that everything I say would be profane or anything without it (though that may be true to some extent), but I have a knack for using words nobody else does, referring to concepts that are only loosely connected to the subject at hand but somehow make complete sense to me, or just doing something entirely off the wall. The filter keeps me seeming more normal during daytime hours (it fades as the night goes on), but under the influence of the delirium, that filter disappeared.

Facebook statuses? Random posts on forums? Conversations? All chaotic. Funny as funny gets, but rarely reasonable. I went to far as to accuse a friend of being "a part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor!" when the context gave no justification for that claim.

But I could digress into insanity all night. It'd be a ton of fun, but you'd spend half an hour reading this and wondering why you started. Instead, let me say this: It has truly been a crazy week. Swine flu alone would be bad times, but then you've gotta add in headache after headache with my bank (which had to be tended to while sick), a group presentation that I worked on but didn't get credit for since I wasn't part of the presentation proper, and other stuff, too.

But it's actually not all bad. I've found ways to look on the bright side of things. Delirium made matters fun, but I could find good lessons and stuff even within all this muck. Example: Swine flu. It sucks. Straight up. I've locked myself in my room to keep others from getting it. Still, I realized something important.

See, the week or so before getting sick, I was out walking at least a mile every night on the track (some days, I walked as much as ten miles within the day). Good stuff. I felt great. I felt myself getting into a better physical condition. Then I got sick.

And yet, the sickness taught me something. While I was working on getting into shape, I was starting to put stock in my own physique. Nothing wrong with being in shape (it's actually a good thing to do for many reasons), but the all-too-easily-attained thought of "I can take on the world" was starting to get to me. This sickness reminded me that my body is fallible, even when it is well-kept. Once again, I realized that I can make the most of myself, but I can't ultimately rely on myself or view myself as untouchable. It just doesn't work.

So yeah, life's been crazy this week. With any luck, the next week will be better, but we'll see how playing catchup goes.

Falling Off Track

Aaaaah. Today's been fun.

And in this case, I mean that in the most sarcastic tone possible.

What made today so awesome, you ask? I took quite ill. Fever, chills, heaving, the works. Signs of the flu? I hope not, but I ain't ruling it out yet.

I spent most of today in bed, missing a class and other things along the way.

But here's what I realized from being sick that got me most: I wasn't able to go walking tonight.

It's not that I'm an exercise fiend. It's not that my life depends on walking constantly. These things couldn't be farther from the truth.

The reality is that I know it'd be all too easy for me to think nothing of "I can't walk tonight; I'm sick." Yeah, that's a legitimate fact and reason not to do it. The thing is... it throws off my work to create a physical habit, perhaps even an addiction to exercising regularly.

And I know how easy it is for me to throw out good things like walking if I don't drive myself with extreme discipline (which does not come naturally for me).

This same behavior carries over to other things in life. Things like getting homework done, spending time with people that need it, giving God His due, and so on.

I gotta push myself in discipline if I wanna be consistent in this. How about you? Got anything you should be disciplining yourself in?

End of an Era

Folks... we've reached the end of an age.

Wait... that sounds like a big deal; it may sound like I'm going to go on about something political or philosophical, but I'm not.

See, I finally got my hands on World of Warcraft today. I haven't played much at all because I've been busy talking with people and stuff, but uh... if the rumors are true... whatever illusion of a social life that I have had is about to disappear.

Yeah... I just lost a solid fifteen minutes between the last paragraph and this. My focus isn't wholly on WoW, but I can see that it will be an addiction. Yeaaaaah. Gotta make sure I maintain real, meaningful friendships and not let my grades take a hit.

If I can balance those things as I have balanced many others, then I'll be good.

If not... Nick, you can have my guitar stuff when I die.

It's Late

So... it's come to my attention that I sound a lot different at night than during the day. I think the "night Kenny" may actually be closer to "real Kenny" than "day Kenny" is.

What's the difference? During the day, I have some appearance of normalcy about me. I am more or less understandable when I talk. I don't do crazy things. I keep it pretty chill.

At night? None of that. There's nothing normal about me. My vocabulary takes a huge shift. I go from the common tongue to using a bunch of bizarre words that maybe one in twenty of you are familiar with. Why? I have no idea. Stuff just gets stuck in my head, and I guess it all comes out at night.

Also... at night... my "that's a stupid idea" sense pretty much shuts off. Suddenly, things like "Let's just race to the beach, then build a giant sandcastle and throw a pizza party" make perfect sense.

Yeah. The night is weird. I like it, but it's a totally different world.

It's nice to live in both day and night.

Building Consistency

Yeah... so it's technically Friday, but I'm still functioning as if it's Thursday. I wanna remember to update this blog regularly, so I'm writing now. I have nothing incredibly profound to share, but I'll speak all the same.

See, just as this post is not a huge deal in itself, it serves the purpose of developing a habit. Habits are tricky. The good ones are a lot of work to make, and the bad ones are even more work to break. Still, here I am, starting a new habit.

Yes, blogging can be a habit. However, it is not the only habit I'm starting.

Since Monday, I've been making it a point to spend time walking on the track (or paved loop) here at school. I've done at least an hour of walking every day since then. That's pretty sweet.

Today, I walked six or so miles during the day. I would have been just fine in terms of getting daily exercise in. Still, in effort develop this habit, I ended up walking another couple-few miles around the track tonight.

It was good, too. Seriously, I love walking. People think I'm crazy, but I really enjoy it. It feels good to be self-propelled... without the assistance of any machine. Then there's the chemical "feels good" factor that comes with exercise, and I love that, too.

Tonight's walk even had company, and that made things better yet. I mean... the company alone was awesome, but then I think about this in terms of bringing other people into my new habit formation? Yeah... that's awesome.

I feel so good right now. I'm exhausted. Waking up in the morning is going to suck, but I still feel good about this.

And I'm gonna be losing weight in short order.

Don't Give Up!

I haven't totally forgotten about this blog. Wait... yes I have. Then my roommate was talking about blogs and stuff, and I realized "Shoot! It's been a long time since I've written a blog post."

I should get back into blogging more. It'd be good. I think it'd help me process things happening in my day to day life, but I'd also be able to entertain and maybe even educate you along the way.

Right now... I'm talking with a friend who is on the edge of giving up on a project. It is late, so that's completely understandable, but I can't help but see this as an instance of a common thing.

We get drained. We get tired. We push ourselves too hard and reach a point of collapse. But it seems to me that in these times... we are so close to reaching our goals. So close that the goal is nearly tangible.

And somehow... through force of will... through grace of God... we can actually reach that goal sometimes.

So... do you have a goal that seems just out of reach? Are you on the edge of collapse?

I won't give you a hard time if you do give up, but take it from the guy who's been there too many times to count: Don't give up! You can pull these things off. It may not be easy, but it's probably worth it.

You got this.

Force of Will

What do you think of that expression "it's just gonna take a force of will"? Personally, I love it. It implies a sense of determination to reach a goal. But then I actually think about the power of a determined spirit and the human will, and it blows me away.

Seriously, have you ever seen someone snap under pressure in some form or another? Not the "explodes violently on everyone around" kind of snapping, but the "had enough, and not gonna accept failure yet again" kind of snapping. It's amazing.

Seriously, by sheer willpower, people can overcome some crazy thing. Be they physical matters (pushing for just one more mile, etc.) or psychological matters (breaking deep-rooted habits), the awesomeness of applied willpower is amazing.

The subject comes to me tonight because I'm realizing that I move to the far end of the country (and across three time zones) in a week and a half. It's feeling surreal, but that issue of timezones is a huge hit for me.

I naturally have very strong leans toward being a night owl. It's far from unlike me to be up 'til 2AM Pacific doing whatever (playing games, surfing forums, watching movies, etc.), and that's not a huge deal. But that's 5AM Eastern, and that's a much bigger deal.

Especially when I'll have morning classes out there.

Effectively, I'll need to be sleeping by around 9PM Pacific pretty soon, so I've gotta adjust my sleep schedule by a full five hours. My natural tendency is to say "damn the torpedoes, I'll deal with things when they get here." But when it comes to sleep, I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

Thus, I'm gonna need some serious application of willpower over the next week.

Go. Me.

Witty Titles

Have you ever noticed how significant a witty or catchy title for something is? Think about it. Titles are everywhere. TV Shows? Titles. Books? Titles. Movies? Titles. Position in a company? Titles. Research papers? Titles.

They. Are. Everywhere.

They really are significant, too. A title is what something is known by. A title usually needs to be at least a little descriptive of what it represents. So it's nice when titles are informative.

But titles are also something of a first impression. Especially when you're marketing something (even yourself), you want that first impression to stick. Thus, titles need to have pizazz about them.

Hmm. Mebbe I should go on about marketing (beyond the scope of product branding and sales, of course), but I think I'll just let it rest at this:

First impressions are a much bigger deal than we sometimes think; you only get one shot at them, so get 'em right.

Sarcasm

I love sarcasm. Seriously, no sarcasm at all there, I love sarcasm so much. It's so universal in function, and for a lot of people... it's a totally effective communication method.

Basically, if I speak in a sarcastic fashion with you, it's because I like you enough to do so. And, because I've known enough people who are "sarcastically challenged," I typically take my sarcasm a bit over-the-top to make it clear I'm not serious.

It usually works, and that's a good thing. I use sarcasm a lot.

And... I actually have no idea where I was going with this post. Uhm. Well blast. I have nothing.

Go forth. Share the sarcasm. You have my blessing.

Back for More

Fear not, my friends; I have not forgotten about you.

Well... except for the part where I did forget to update my blog after coming back from my reduced internet time. But that was so last week.

It's actually been a very crazy week. I went to the doc to check on possible lung issues; doesn't seem to be anything wrong so far. I did a bunch of stuff to make my move to Florida and school enrollment happen. I've spent a lot of time playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance.

It's been a busy week. This morning, though, I was woken up at 8AM with a call from the school's financial aid department. I had to wake up at eight anyway, but I was all kinds of stumbling over my words, trying to figure out which way is up with financial aid stuff three minutes after waking up.

Then I had to head down to my old college campus to meet with someone and make a purchase. What was the purchase? A PSP and some games on the cheap. Good deal for me. Sold one of my old guitars yesterday, so I actually had the cash for it. A nice feeling.

Speaking of money, my AdSense account has only generated a dollar since I launched this blog months ago. That's sad. The way the system works, I have to have at least $10.00 made before I can even get the cash. Site needs more traffic or something, I guess.

Time for a Break

Hey again, folks. How's it going?

Tonight, I'll get right to the point. I mentioned a few times over the weekend that I'm good at starting things and never finishing them... and just getting distracted and not saying disciplined when it comes to doing other things.

I think one of the reasons for this is that I spend way too much time idling online. No, this isn't conflicting with my previous comments about "just enjoying the days as they come." Plenty of good does come from my time online.

But it does distract me from other things I could be doing that I would enjoy just as much. So, for the next while (haven't decided how long), I'll be taking some time off of Facebook, Twitter, and reducing (if not cutting) my time on forums.

I won't be updating my blog in this time, either. I know, you'll miss my bizarre ramblings, but it must be done.

See you all on the flipside.

Can You Breathe?

Can you?

Today, I couldn't. Not the first time it's ever happened, but while out and about today... I found myself lacking in air intake.

Not cool. Not fun. A few times in the past, without any clear reason for it, I've found myself short on breath... sometimes even having trouble completing sentences without pausing for air. It's been really sporadic in the past, but it made me wonder if I had some kind of asthma going on.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not in the greatest of shape, but I've played lots of basketball, football, etc., and I knkow what exertion-related shortness of breath feels like.

Today, while walking to Target (roughly a mile and a half or so away), the asthma sensation, the lack of breath hit me again. I'm used to walking long distances (though it's been a while since I've walked much distance in the heat), five mile walks are far from unheard of for me, so when I was not particularly pushing myself and found myself suddenly without air... well... that wasn't fun.

With a normal heart rate, no other sensation of exertion (barring the unavoidable sweat due to my hyperhidrosis), I suddenly went "oh crap... where's my oxygen?" multiple times between getting there... sitting there, hoping to recover... and coming back. From what I can tell, if this is actually asthma (and I'm pretty sure it is), then these instances are in the mild to loosely moderate range of attacks.

I would hate to have serious asthma attacks. I would hate that so much. My sympathies to anyone living with said attacks.

On the positive side, I'm seeing a doctor about this on Thursday.

And Then There's Consistency

Last night, I talked about being really good at starting things... then getting sidetracked by something else... and never finishing the original thing.

Today, I'ma conclude Fatal Flaws: Weekend Edition by looking at a related but different flaw of mine.

Oh joy! You get to hear me come clean about my inevitable humanity. Guess I'm not quite a deity after all. But life goes on.

Anyway, this other flaw is consistency. See, even the things that I don't just up and move away from entirely are not easy for me to keep up with consistently.

With both the things I have to do and the things I love to do, consistently spending time doing them is not a strong suit, either.

Take updating my blog for instance. It often takes forcing myself to write a nightly post to actually get it done. Some nights, I actually have something to say. Other nights, the posts are more obviously forced (though still epic in their own regards). Sure, there were extended periods of time when the blog got put in the "meh... I'll do other things pile," but for the last long while it's just been a few individual days missed here and there.

Days when I simply forget that I'm supposed to update my blog. In a way, it's a lack of self-discipline.

Which is probably even more evident on the other side of the spectrum: not spending enough time doing the things I love. In case you haven't figured it out, I love Street Fighter.

Still, even this thing I love, I'm not always very good at spending time with it. If you haven't played the game, I don't expect you to understand, but it's one of those things (like any other competitive thing) that requires disciplined practice and study to truly excel in. Problem is... I'm not consistent in my practice, and that haunts me when I show up to a tournament... or just some casual matches with other enthusiasts.

I get my face handed to me, and that probably wouldn't be true if I were more consistent in practicing.

So now I've gotta finish projects I start, and I also have to work on self-discipline.

O Life, why do you impose such challenges on us?

Finishing What I Started

So... I think I may have mentioned a couple days ago a certain friend of mine calling me out for not finishing things I start. He was talking about TV shows, and despite knowing that what he said was in jest, it still managed to cut me deep.

Don't worry, I don't hate him (how could I hate you, Riley?), but what he said did quite the number on me.

Since that conversation, I finished Corner Gas (which I know I wrote about) and season three of X-Men. I'm now on season four, and it's been great.

It's funny... it's so easy for me to get distracted and stop doing whatever I started. Yet, now, after finishing Corner Gas and working on wrapping up X-Men, I find completing these things to be totally worth it.

Now, if only my leaving things unfinished were simply a matter of TV shows. Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case.

The cost of being an ideas guy is that it's hard to stay focused on the work of something when new and more awesome ideas are always coming to mind. Still, sticking with something rarely does me wrong. So it's something I have to work at.

Which reminds me... I need to work on my comic book idea.

Then What?

You ever have one of those days where you stop what you're doing to wonder what the next thing you'll do is? Do you ever wonder why that's the next thing you're doing?

I didn't use to. I use to just be in constant gogogogogo mode doing thing after thing to reach some goal or another.

Then there came a point where I went... "wait a minute... why am I doing this?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything against creating something significant, pursuing higher education, or anything else of that nature. There's nothing bad about those things in and of themselves at all; in fact, they can be very good pursuits indeed.

But there is that baseline question of "why?" that must be settled.

And for me, there was a point where a lot of my "whys" where things like "leaving a lasting impression." Again, nothing wrong with that in itself, but really... when I think about it... it seems like chasing after the wind.

Even if I were to succeed in doing something that would be remembered for centuries to come, even if I somehow had the impact of a Martin Luther or something, what would I gain from it? What good is notoriety for a dead man?

Sure, sure... I doubt Luther was thinking about his own gains when he led the Reformation, and no doubt what he did has had a lasting impression to better Christendom. Sure, I've had some ambitions to make an impact for the good of others rather than building my own legacy.

But how often is that honestly the case? Not often at all.

I look at more common ambitions of people, ambitions I have also held... things like a strong retirement package, a business that has my name on it for a hundred years to come, etc... things that require a lifetime of hard work to try and achieve, and even then probability of success isn't high.

Again, nothing wrong with these things, but are they really worth it?

I don't think they are very often. The reality is, as a modern American, barring unnatural causes of death, I'll probably live to be somewhere in my 80s. I'm in my 20s now. Do I wanna work really hard, killing myself in the process, in hope of a nice retirement for the last 20 years of my life?

Not really, no. I wanna enjoy life while I can fully embrace it. I sound so unambitious these days... no longer interested in huge ideas and goals.

But I daresay I'm more ambitious than ever before.

I don't work myself to the bone day in and day out, but I take every day as it comes to me and make the most of it.

I'll take a chance on things today. I'll live in the moment.

I'm not advocating total irresponsibility, but nobody knows what tomorrow will hold, so I'm going to live for today. I'll still have general longer term aims (like getting my degrees)... but they stay generalized so as to make it easier to stay focused on the present.

Believe it or not, my reasoning is very much based on Biblical teaching, but I'll save the theological approach to my view on daily living for another time.

Another Oops

Forgot to update yesterday. I was up super-late playing Marvel, watching Corner Gas, then giving the Sopranos a shot.

All of which rocked my world.

Today, I don't really know how many episodes of Corner Gas I watched, but I do know that I finished the series. It was a really sad thing, finishing it.

I find Corner Gas to be a hysterical comedy show, but it's so much more than that. Crazy as it may sound, it became an alternate reality of sorts for me. But what do I mean in everyday terms?

I mean that the characters in the show can seem flat at first, but it becomes clear that the characters are real people as the show goes on. Each of the main cast has an undeniable amount of charm, and by the end of the show... it's like they were all a group of friends that I hang out with.

Watching the way the characters interact, understanding the relationship dynamics, it is obvious that I'm looking at living, breathing human beings. This resulted in watching an episode having a similar effect as listening to a friend talk about something s/he had done in the past... if not actually being there to experience the thing with the friend as it happens.

During the last episode of Corner Gas, I found myself quite sad. It was a funny episode, but it had a feeling similar to the one I have with my real friends now. It brought this realization of "we're going different directions, so this is kinda goodbye."

Sure, I'll keep in touch with my friends, but it won't be the same at all. Perhaps I give Corner Gas a little too much credit, but it's obvious to me that it is a more immediately tangible example of something that I'm actually experiencing and processing in this reality.

It's bittersweet, to say the least.

It's Getting Hot

No. Really. AccuWeather reported that it was 102 degrees today. That's bloody hot.

So hot, I said "bloody."

That's right, it was a solid ten degrees hotter here than it was in the part of Florida I'm soon to move to. Oh how funny is it to me that people here talk bad about Florida heat when our highs in the summer exceed theirs.

How much funnier to me that we were barely reaching 70 just a few days ago.

Aren't you glad you came to my blog to read about the weather? The blog of small talk. How awesome is that?

Very awesome. If only I could express in few words just how awesome it is as well as why it is so awesome. Sadly, I'm not that skilled, so you'll just have to take my word on this.

On a more serious note, I'm so excited about going to Florida. So excited. The craziness of life is about to catch up with me now that I have less than a month until I move.

Less than a month. Gasp!

I'll try to come up with something more apparently awesome to write tomorrow.

Right now, I'm gonna try and write a new song lyric.

Where's The Heart?

Where is the heart? Seriously.

No. This isn't a post demanding that you tell me where your heart is. I'm not that bold in general, but maybe I should run a poll sometime. Eh. Another idea for another time.

What I'm thinking about tonight is something I've noticed about the way I view movies or any other kind of story. As I've probably pointed out here before, or you've figured out on your own, I'm an emotional kind of guy.

Note to self: Rant about emotionalism used in persuasion some time in the future.

Forgive me, I digress.

As I was saying, I have a heart. I feel things.

When it comes to movies and whatnot, I need to feel things.

I just wrapped up Gangs of New York tonight. The night before, it was Watchmen. For the last day or two, I've also been reading the Japanese comic series Death Note. All of these works have one common thing that keeps me from completely raving about them.

They all lacked the ability to create an emotional connection between me and the on-screen characters. With the partial exception of Watchmen (still the overall weakest of these three examples), I find the stories, settings, execution of ideas, and (oddly enough) even the characters to be interesting and compelling.

But I don't find myself attached to them, and that really hurts the end result. Without a sense of feeling, I find these things ultimately unfulfilling. That really sucks in my eyes, too.

To clarify, I'm not saying I want happy endings or anything like that. I'm not saying I wanna walk away feeling good. But if I don't feel for the characters, then I don't feel like I experience with the characters the good and bad things happening.

I know it's not fair to expect everything to be on par with the Japanese series Fullmetal Alchemist (which, believe it or not, is still the greatest example of the ability to create emotion in me), but it seems fair to request at least some emotional connection.

I think I felt more emotionally connected to Confessions of a Shopaholic than I did to Watchmen. That's kind of sad, but it's true.

If only "fantastic" movies still presented that emotional connection. Without it, ultimately, the number of these movies that I end up caring about is a lot smaller than it could be.

Days Go Quick

Time really does go by fast. Sure, you can take that on the philosophical grounds of "it seems like yesterday I was 22." But I'm talking about the hours in a day... the hours that slipped away, leaving me to forget updating my blog until now.

Uhm. Thanks to Riley, I'm working on Japanese-comic-book drawings. Well... I just started learning like... 26 hours ago. But I'm learning.

Because I have sweet ideas for comic books, and I don't know anyone (other than Riley) with the skills to bring them to life. Guess I'll have to do it myself.

Sweet ideas are so sweet, though. I need to start getting them down on paper.

In the meantime, I give you this. It was my first attempt at a "realistic" character in the Japanese style (second if you include scratching it out on paper before reccreating it on the computer), and my second attempt at a character in the Japanese style altogether.

Romanticized Views

I'm pretty sure everyone has a romanticized view of something. Romanticized views of a big city, perhaps? A dream job? Some person?

You know romanticized views... when you look at something in a way that isn't really the way it is. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that. It can get dangerous if taken too far, though.

Me? I have romanticized views.

I love the idea of a small town on open plains. Why? I have no idea. Well, I have no idea why I'm so very drawn to the plains. I blame living in Dallas for a few years. I mean, mountains are pretty and all, but I just really, really like wide open, flatlands. They're awesome.

Small towns? That I understand more. People say there's more to do in the city. That's true. Lots of more businesses, restaurants, entertainment, employment. Cities have a lot of things going for them.

Right now, I'm living in the smallest city I've ever lived in, and the population is above 150,000 if I recall correctly. That's if I refer just to my city. If I look at the bigger city that it's pretty much a part of... the population goes over half a million (again, if my memory serves me correctly).

So why do I have a romanticized view of small towns? What is it about them that make me wanna up and find one to move to?

Closer sense of community? Space to breathe and live? Less noise and hustle?

To some extent, it's all of those things. Granted, natural social tendencies are gonna be a major factor in how much community one senses, and that doesn't change with small town or big city. Likewise, life in a small town could still end up incredibly busy.

But I think the thing about small town appeal that gets me most is that it doesn't have the same structure as a big city. Here, I live on a street shared with countless other people... which is attached to a bigger street with even more people... and so on. It's said no man is an island. No argument from me on that. But in the big cities, I can't help but feel like just another cog in the machine.

In a small town... or the area surrounding a small town in the proper sense... the daily machine sensation doesn't seem nearly the same... especially for those able to get away from employment in the nearest big city. Even with dependence on the small town, it seems that the sensation would be more of personal interdependence than being another number in a series of corporate and federal schemes.

Oh, and the part about being away from major population centers for survival purposes appeals to me, too.

Hundred and First?

Hmm. I just realized, I don't have anything particularly newsworthy to write about today.

Except for the house rodent getting out of its cage. I think I mentioned that a bat managed to get into the house a while back. It flew around and freaked the crap out of me and there was much laughing.

Tonight, my sister's hamster somehow got out of its cage and decided to take a run behind the nearby couch.

I didn't jump like I did with the bat. There's something decisively less creepy about a crawling thingem than a flying thingem. Still, I was not impressed.

I'm not big on rodents, be they winged or not. I don't like things moving in my peripheral vision, either. Not a cool place for them to be.

In unrelated news, I had a crazy dream involving a library and a crazed librarian who stuck me with a slayer's stake in my right shoulder. When I woke up, my right arm was all asleep and stuff. Crazy!

Oh, and I'm incredibly hyped about Florida.

One Hundred Posts!

Whoa. This is my hundredth post. How crazy is that? That's like... a lot of my rambling, ranting, and raving.

And you've been here through it all? I'm so touched!

Oh. I have so much hype over my move to Florida. It's ridiculous. I'm so stoked that things are working out for me to go after all. I could go on and on about how exciting this all is.

Or about how unreal it feels. Despite actually working on getting everything in order for my move, I don't think the reality of it has quite sunk in.

But I did secure a place to stay today, so that was the last of the things keeping this from becoming official.

Yes. I could talk forever about this whole Florida business, but I won't.

Instead, I'd like to offer my gratitude to my good friends. You know who you are, and I know that maybe two of you will actually read this, but I'ma thank you anyway.

In no particular order... my thanks to Brian for always being there. Like, doesn't really matter if you've had a crappy day or week, you're still there to talk with. Also, for being so good looking. Also, "Strictly Sports." Sucks we haven't hung out much in a long time, but my thanks for your constant awesomeness all the same.

My thanks to Marcus for listening even when I have the stupidest things to complain about. Also, for countless Taco Bell runs. Also, for being my clone. Also, for Coheed and Cambria. Seriously, thanks for being one of my closest and most trusted friends. It's impossible to really capture that in a short thank you.

My thanks to Nate for somehow being the guy who persuades me to do really stupid things when everyone else is all "don't do it." I still blame you (nobody said I was fair in casting blame) for Exodus and even Florida. Thank you for pushing me to do things outside my comfort zone when I'm riding the fence.

My thanks to Riley for not having a life outside the internet. I jest, of course, but it really is uncommon for me to be online and not having an insane, yet totally awesome, conversation with you about whatever. Thanks for always being fun to be around and caring (even on your down days). Also, thanks for reminding me that I still have a long ways to go in my pursuit of awesomeness.

My thanks to Zak for pretty much defining "e-brother." You never cease to challenge me in my relationship with Christ; it's nice to know I can always count on a decent kick in the nuts (metaphorically, of course, and in Christian love, too!) when I get off track. You also provide one of the best rivalries (in a good way) I've ever had.

There are, of course, many more of you that deserve thanks, but I can only type so much before I know you will stop reading. If you count me among your friends, and I you, then my great gratitude to you for sharing life with me.

Here's to the next one hundred posts!

The Promised Update

tl;dr version - I'm unofficially officially moving to Florida in just over a month. Detailed version below.


Earlier in the year, I was planning on moving to Florida to attend Florida Christian College. I was all kinds of hype. I had been accepted into the school and was fully on track to attend this fall term.

Then I got a surprise letter from Multnomah University saying that I'd be receiving a scholarship I had previously gotten, but I didn't expect it since I wasn't enrolled for the second half of the year. Still, the financial aid department didn't process my award letter until after the school year ended, so it seemed I'd be getting the scholarship anyway.

The scholarship (after other grants and scholarships) put me up to a near-full ride on tuition this year. I'd never been so upset about receiving money in my life. With a full ride as an option, I couldn't go away to Florida and take thousands of dollars in loans if I wanted to be financially responsible. So I pulled out of Florida to attend Multnomah.

Then on Saturday, I received a letter from Multnomah in the mail. Apparently, the financial aid department couldn't be bothered to check my eligibility for assistance before they told me what assistance I'd receive.

But this isn't a rant note. The bottom line of the Multnomah story is that I called them, and they were unbudging in giving me the scholarship. Citing that it was in the paperwork that I wouldn't be eligible for the scholarship if I had a lapse in enrollment and so on. That's fair enough in that it's true, and it's what I previously expected, but it's incredibly aggravating that they don't check something so incredibly obvious before telling people that they'll receive the scholarship. It royally screwed my plans for the next two years as well what I did with this summer.

But again... this isn't a rant note. So, I called up Florida Christian College to see if it was too late in the game for me to get back on track with them.

It wasn't. In fact, by the time I got off the phone, I was already cleared for fall term registration, my financial aid was back on track, and I was set to attend. I only had to verify that there would still be room in student housing for me.

This morning, I received a message verifying that I would have a place in the residence halls. With the last concern taken care of, it's unofficially official.

I'm moving to Florida in a month.

Well... a month and five days, but who's counting?

Oh. Right. I am.


Multnomah friends who were wanting me to come back, I'm sorry things didn't work out in favor of this. Friends who I had plans to do things with this summer, I'm sorry that this sudden shift in academic plans has messed our plans up.

Sarcastically, I would like to thank the Multnomah administration for misleading me then screwing me over on technicalities like any other business would. Sincerely, I would like to thank the same administration for doing these things, making the difference in school attendance costs much smaller, causing me to again pursue attending Florida... the great desire that I had all along.


Did I mention that I leave late August and am incredibly hyped about that? So much so that my hype outweighs my hate... by far.

Take care, folks.
Kenny

Not Quite There

Still not quite ready for a legitimately awesome post with full details and stuff.

I will say that Plan A failed. And now, Plan B is out of "may" and into "likely" territory.

However, it is not set in stone yet. Hopefully I'll have something more concrete tomorrow.

In the meantime, enjoy... life... and stuff.

Not Dead

I'm not dead. Honest.

I haven't forgotten to write, either.

I was just served some news in the mail yesterday, and it pushed me into a state akin to la furia del diablo.

I'll have some kind of update tomorrow. Hopefully, good news. Hopefully, this news I received will be fixed.

If not, hopefully plan B will work be possible.

If not, I will have great deals of wrath to spew in a post.

But I would much prefer good news.

Here's a spoiler: I may yet end up in Florida in just over a month.

Gotta Work On Consistency

I suck at Blogger. Mostly, I suck at remembering to write something new while I'm still in PM hours. Instead, I remember "oh dang... I still gotta write something on my blog" roughly 30 seconds before I pass out from being tired.

The fact that I get caught up in watching marathons of Corner Gas probably doesn't help this situation.

Seriously. A dozen episodes of the show in the last 24 hours.

Crazy thing? It's even better the second time through.

Oh. Side note.

Something something something... more time recording today turned out pretty well... something something... too tired to come up with anything witty.

Oh. Also. I think I'm going to watch Strange Brew tomorrow.

Why?

Because it's awesome.

As Promised

I said I had some big news or something for you in tonight's post.

I didn't forget to write this post (yes I did... but that's irrelevant now that I'm writing it), and I didn't forget about my big news.

How could I forget about it? I'm incredibly hyped over it. TOO HYPED.

What's all the hype about? I released my quality cut of "Corner Gas Love Song" on my SoundClick today. Check it out: http://music.kennyyeager.info

Yeaaaaaah. Did you believe that was the news? Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about that. I did things in that recording I haven't done before, so that's cool. Also, I think it's a very funny song. It's even a sweet song. But that's not the big news.

The big news does pertain to music, though.

Would you like to know what it is?

Oh how I'd love to postpone another day just to bug you all. I won't, though. I'll tell you what it is.

As soon as I point to the cardboard sign of a bear holding a shark. /random Homestar Runner reference

Alright. The news!

I'm working my butt off to make an amazing thing happen next summer.

I'm working on pulling off a continental tour. I put together a really, really early tentative map of stops today, and I came up with 40 places across the US and Canada.

I already have two good friends either on-board or very interested to join in the tour to give us three distinct acts.

We'll be playing in churches all over.

It's gonna be amazing. I have much, much more work to do, and I only have ten months to get everything set in stone.

Still, I know it can be done, and (God willing) I'm gonna make it happen.

Post up if you want the tour to stop in a town near you. Hopefully, we'll make it there.

How Aggravating

Aggravating, huh? Is this a rant blog?

Not really, I just have a knack for melodramatic entrances.

But I do find this a bit annoying. See, I watched a movie earlier. A movie that, on so many levels, I probably shouldn't have liked. Only thing is, I loved it a lot. Like... a looooot.

What movie? Knowing. Yep. A Nicholas Cage movie that I loved. How did this happen? The writers and directors pulled no punches. They had the guts to carry out their stories and worldview presentations with no last minute "haha... just kidding guys! Here's your happy ending."

That alone impresses me, but then add in that I cared about the characters and their plight, and I was hooked. Layer on top of that the worldview presented which made me pump my fist with a "heck yeah!" action, and despite all the reasons formal critics may hate it, I loved it.

And now, at Riley's behest, I'm watching Howl's Moving Castle. It's everything a movie should be. It's creative, it has likable characters, it's fantastically voiced. But there's one thing it isn't at this point (about 40 minutes in)... something I really care about.

On many levels, it should be blowing my mind, but despite all of these things it has going for it... I just don't care that much yet. I'm paying attention, but it's just not something I'm connecting with.

Which makes me sad. I want to love it.

But here's hoping it changes into something I deeply care about soon. It could happen.

Woo

No... not the romance kind of "woo..." the halfway to "woohoo" kind of "woo."

I ordered a power adapter for my laptop from some company in Hong Kong off of eBay. I got it... and it wasn't working.

Figuring that HK sellers probably don't guarantee against DOA shipments, I started tinkering with it. After messing with it a little bit, I finally got it working. Kinda.

Took a lot of getting the wall connector just right and some prayer, too.

But I got a full battery charge, and that made me happy.

Then I unplugged it to move it to a better location.

It quickly went useless again.

So, I did what I do best these days, I cracked up the wall connector piece and found the problem. One of the contact pads (I swear this kind of outlet connection design is absolutely stupid) went through some shoddy QC... seeing as the bloody thing was burned.

So now I have to find a replacement connector. My old one will work just fine, but this requires finding something that was probably thrown away a year ago.

Here's to hoping that filing a DOA claim with the seller will result in a new unit that fully works.

Oh how I hope.

I'm so ready to start recording music well again.

Speaking of music... great and exciting news in my next post.

Sometimes Words Seem Meaningless

Ever get the feeling that you're talking just to talk? Like nobody's listening?

Like you could say the most profound thing on the planet and nobody would hear it for it to matter?

Or like you could say the funniest thing ever... only for your smirk to be the only response to the quip?

Sometimes, I feel like that's what this blog is. I know from experience that it's not quite that meaningless, but sometimes that sensation gets to me.

I just wish it were only the blog that made me feel that way. Far too often, it seems people are only interested in their own ideas, their own words, their own voices... it seems like trying to talk with them is meaningless.

Sometimes, it actually is meaningless, and I'm truly wasting my breath. Fortunately, that's not always the case.

So I continue to talk. Continue to relate. I just pick my battles.

But here, in this open letter to the world? I will continue to share the Mind of Kenny. Who knows? Maybe someday someone will want to look back and go "wait... he was right."

This is my dream. Don't ruin it.

Clear Lines

So... I guess I forgot another blog post yesterday.

Probably watching X-Men and Corner Gas.

Corner Gas has officially become my favorite TV show ever. Sorry Zak, you'll have to disown me for choosing it over Buffy.

It's just a fantastic show. Phenomenal characters blended with dry, sarcastic humor that's right at home for me.

But that's not what I'm writing about. I'll start raving about Corner Gas again in the future. Tonight, I'm writing about a movie I watched.

Well, I tried to watch it. Didn't make it the whole way through. I kinda can't believe how much sex there was in that movie. Ugh. Too much... too excessive. The rest of the movie couldn't keep me interested enough to even finish it. Even with Sam Winchester (Jared something or another) of Supernatural in it.

But there was something I did like about it. It was very simple.

Particularly, there was a clear line of good and evil... even if "good" was littered with its own constant immorality of all kinds and "evil" didn't have much of a soul. That clear distinction of good and evil doesn't really exist in our world, but you know what?

I sure like being able to escape to a world where that line is very clear.

Alas. Reality is what it is.

Oh. I have a new song almost finished. Can't wait to record it.

And I have an awesome idea for a huge tour next summer. More on that soon.

Goodnight, mon amis!

Another Wow?

I am freaking traumatized. I have no other way to express this irrational behavior.

Two nights ago, a bat somehow got into my house. It was flying around at nearly 2:00AM.

It frightened me horrifically. Not in a "bats are hellspawn, and this is an indication that I'm under attack" sort of frightened. In the "holy crap, there is a freaking bat swarming at my head from nowhere... while I'm in my house" sorta way. (I admit that those were not the exact words I used.)

I dove around more that night then I have since playing dodgeball with people back in high school. If I were watching myself, I would have died laughing. However, I was ducking the swoops of the bat, so at the time? Not that funny.

It took me forever to come down off of that high of sorts.

Worse? The next morning, when retrieving jeans from my closet, I went to open my closet door and in reaching for the handle... the bat attack scene from the beginning of Batman flashed before my eyes. It took me a full minute to get over that image and open the door... which, of course, I opened at an angle and ducked around the corner as soon as I twisted the handle.

But tonight? Every little flicker of light, every indication of movement in the next room, puts me on edge.

Not cool.

I do not approve of this.

Anyone know of a surefire way to overcome traumatic damage such as this?

Being a Low Budget Guy

If you know me, you know that I like to shop as cheaply as possible.

Clothing? If it ain't crazy on sale or secondhand, I don't tend to hold off on a purchase until one of those things is true. Movies? Ha. Forget the theater; I'll rent it on DVD when I can get it for a buck at Redbox. Restaurants? Where's your dollar menu? I ain't shelling out $4 for a sammich at a fast-food joint. No way. No how.

Gaming? Well, I've worked out a system for this since I love gaming so much. Basically, if a game provides at least one solid hour of enjoyment for every two dollars I spend, then it's an acceptable cost. I prefer to get better deals than that, but that's my standard.

Today? Today I picked up half a dozen Xbox games for $15 thanks to a rocking deal at Gamestop. Most of the games are extremely well-rated games, too.

But more importantly, I wanted them, and I'm liking them a lot.

Basically, I win at shopping on the cheap.

Being a low budget guy definitely has its perks.

Sometimes I Just Go "Wow"

Today is one of those days when I am amazed with what I've pulled off. I know I've commented (or complained) about having to play through Overlord II in a hurry over the last week. Today was the day that it all had to come together.

I wrote well over 2000 words of detailed moral content breakdown on the game for my Plugged In contract. I'm pretty sure that's about the same length as one of the papers I wrote for Ethics last term.

Then, I finished that and moved on to writing a full game review for Christ Centered Gamer, my e-home away from home and long time point of ministry. I don't know how long that review was, and only one paragraph of it used any recycled material whatsoever.

And now I'm gonna work on my first "media response" as explained... uhm... yesterday. Definitely recycling a bit of material from my review for that, but it's still more work to go.

In all reality, I think I've honestly written close to as much today in regards to this game as I did all last term for Ethics, and I actually worked in that class.

Wow. Lots of work.

I'm so ready to enjoy some recreational gaming, some sleep, and a day off.

How insane is that? Game-related work is actually legitimate work.

Oh. Side note. I ordered a new power brick for my laptop. I can finally get back to recording new music. I may have already mentioned that, though. If not, look forward to new tunes in the future!

Adios muchacos!

Oops Again

Well look at that! I missed yesterday's post. I gotta get on top of things.

At least this time it was because I was working... instead of watching half a dozen episodes of X-Men. I love X-Men.

Work is almost done. I'm so ready to be done with Overlord II. The game is such a mixed bag.

Which reminds me, I think I'm gonna start a new section on my site for "media responses." I call them responses because I don't really want to review games, movies, music, whatever in the usual way.

You know, trying to break down and rate various aspects of a work on some loose grounds of objectivity and so on. Reviews have a place (they'd better since my job is to assist in review writing), but that's not what I wanna do this time around.

Instead, I'm gonna write about what I walked away from a given piece of media thinking and feeling. Thus, it'll be more of a sharing my experience.

Truth be told, taking games for example, I'm more interested in how enjoyable, fun, or intellectually/emotionally stimulating it is. Things like "it does new things" and "the graphics are mindblowing" really don't mean much to me in their own rights if the game isn't at its core enjoyable.

I think that's why art critics and I have a hard time talking about media and art. There's a fundamental difference in what perspective.

But I digress. Look forward to my first media response to Overlord II by week's end.

Oh Fate!

Some would deem me a fool, some would deem me lazy, but looking at history, and maybe just a few hints of myth, has shown me that trying to fight fate rarely (being generous there) does any good. So, I now do the rational thing.

I accept fate.

That isn't to say that I don't care what happens under an over-applied guise of que sera, sera. Far from it. I just accept that there are a multitude of things beyond my control, so I make the most of whatever situation I'm in, whatever path I'm led down, whatever opportunities I have.

Fate can seem abstract, even cruel at times. But for me, a guy who believes that everything (even the minutest of details) has a purpose, it takes a little faith and some guts to stick through the rough times in favor of the greater good that will follow in due time.

I used to despise fate. I used to want to rebel against the inevitable.

Now? I find peace in knowing that there are powers in play much greater than I. It's much easier to sleep at night knowing that I can do my part with the things I'm given, but the rest is in fate's hands.


I could have been a Greek philosopher. Blast this being born toward the end of the 20th century!

The Phoenix Saga

So, I know I planned on writing something interesting today, but I kind of got carried away with playing Puzzle Quest during the day and watching X-Men for the last few hours.

I think I watched the first seven episodes of X-Men season three.

Which was phenomenal. Seriously. Live-action series are rarely as good as this was. The Phoenix Saga, a five-episode non-stop story arc, pretty much blew my mind.

I'm not above saying that its conclusion demanded I fight back tears. Despite my experience with Full Metal Alchemist (probably the greatest televised series I've ever seen) and Naruto (which isn't quite the greatest but still has a special place in my heart), being emotionally impacted by a television show, especially by an animated series, just leaves me awestruck.

This X-Men series is too good. It definitely has its moments of cheesiness. People who can't stand how 90s it is (here's looking at you, Riley) need not apply. But the show just... wow.

I'll try again to write something tomorrow that isn't dripping in nerdiness.

"Try" being the key word.

Whoa

Crazy. I didn't post yesterday. How did that happen?

Oh. Right. I was off in nerdland with a bunch of guys from Shoryuken playing dat Street Fighter IV, Virtua Fighter 5, and BlazBlue.

BlazBlue rocked my mind. The other games resulted in me getting my face handed to me repeatedly. Especially during my "new guy initiation." In other words (for the second time... though the last was at another venue), I had to try and beat everyone in Virtua Fighter in rapid succession. Which really means that I got beasted on constantly. Thanks, Ray!

Anyway, I was gone until 4AM-ish this morning. Thus, no post.

Today, I did stuff... a lot of time spent on my contract work... which I should get back to tonight, but I hate that game so much.

Oh, and I finished season 2 of X-Men just a few minutes ago. Seriously, I could keep raving about this show, and I may do just that again in the future.

But now, I need sleep. Still playing catchup after last night's lack.

Goodnight. I'll try to be wittier tomorrow.

Why I Love John Mayer

So, I was talking with a buddy about my ideas on songwriting and my desire to start a band in the imminent future.

Quickly, my comments turned toward "John Mayer will have the biggest influence on my songwriting."

Why? Because Mayer is one of those rare people to have the ability to bridge gap after gap. The bridge between mainstream pop and creative songwriting? Got it. The bridge between young audiences and old audiences? Taken care of.

The thing that makes Mayer so significant as a musical influence to me is that he gets the balances in songwriting. Listening to his hour-long lecture at Berklee too many times to count has left me with one concept that stands out well above the rest.

Write music that gets stuck in everyone's head.

Melodies. Melodies are amazing. Hooks, too. Can have the greatest chord progressions in the world, but melodies are the driving force... and the thing that will be remembered.

Mayer is great at melody writing with complimenting guitar riffage and other instrumental things to spice up the overall song.


In related news, I managed to get some new acoustic strings today. After a re-string, I'm back in business. Got hype.

Are You a Follower?

Nope. Not a deep question about whether you view yourself as a natural leader, follower, or a mix of the two. This is another kind of following I have in mind.

Twitter following.

Are you on Twitter?

I've been on it for a while, but I never really thought much of it. I'd just post random things every now and then for a few of my friends to see if they were bored or whatever.

Then I listened to an episode of Robin Walker's men's style/image podcast wherein she talked about Twitter and online presence. Then it hit me: "Twitter is a means to free advertising!"

It's true. Random people will follow you on Twitter if your account is set to public. Sure, you'll get plenty of random followers just wanting to have their names show up on your list in order to push links for their webcam sites or whatever, but you'll also get real people.

And if you're like me, creating things you want other people to see, then a shot at that kind of free advertising can't really be passed up on. If I post a link to a new song or article I've written, and even one random follower listens to it, then that's one more person exposed to my work than I would have otherwise had.

And that, to me, is totally worth it.

Oh, and check out Robin Walker's podcast, Tailored Edges.

Branching Out

So... as I hope all of you know, I write music. I love music. It's my favorite.

I'm finding that my music is getting bigger than me. By that, I mean that my songs are starting to need more than just my vocals and acoustic guitar.

So, I hit up Craigslist tonight. I found two postings in my little part of the world that seemed particularly interesting to me.

The first is for a "post-hardcore" band looking for bass and vocals. I sent them a message to see if I could sit in on a practice, meet the band, and give vocals a whirl. Could be sweet. I love bands like recent Haste the Day (which sounds like the other bands they pointed to... whether or not that's "post-hardcore" is beyond me), so that could be really cool.

The other message was to a guy who... if I didn't know better... I would think was me writing the post. A guitarist up for anything, just wanting to be in a band that makes music and performs it.

Gonna see if I can meet up with him and jam a bit. If things look good, a band may start with the two of us. Then we'd just need drums, bass, and fans.

Oh... and keys would be sweet.

I've got hype. I need a band. It's been far too long since I was last in one that wasn't a church worship band.

Reimagining

So... my good buddy Ben... whose blog needs a link somewhere around here... is letting me borrow a song he wrote. It's a pretty sweet song. Somewhere in the contemplative side of things... and suitable for church time music.

I really liked it. A lot. So much so that I wanted to give it a spin while adding in my own personal touch.

I gotta say, I really like the result of his original song writing with my reimagining. It's catchy and moving and has all the things it needs to get air time.

I don't have the song 100% complete yet... then comes the fun task of recording... but I can point you to the good sir's original version.

Give it a shot... then send him money for good measure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y5h93q_BYA

I Love Firefly

So, I'm chilling here at the computer while a couple people from the fam are watching Firefly in the other room. I can hear it well.

I don't even have to be in the room watching it to be moved emotionally by some of the things going on. I've seen the whole series a couple of times (a benefit of sorts of short series, I guess).

It's crazy... how much more significant things are after the first time around. Once the characters find their way into your heart... the things that happen in the earlier episodes are suddenly way more impacting.

Take, for instance, Kaylee getting shot. The show is good about getting you to care early on... but not early enough for that to really hit in the first viewing as in later viewings after watching the series.

It's crazy. I guess some things in life take more than a single examination to really understand, appreciate, and enjoy.

See also: Call of Duty 4.

Continued Revelations

I swear... when you keep your eyes open... there's no end to the things you can see... even in unexpected places.

I wrote about that last night... regarding the X-Men cartoon.

I watched another episode this evening, and more stuff stood out. Then I realized I was out of episodes to watch on Marvel.com, so I switched over to the first issue of the current Captain America run... where I'm hit with more stuff.

I'm not sure if this ability is a blessing or a curse. I suppose if I'm looking to explain ideas and realities through analogy, then it's a great blessing. How many people do you know that can explain more than one or two theological concepts using comic books as the illustrations?

But it's a curse... because I could go on and on about the things I'm seeing, but if the people I'm talking with are predisposed to blowing things off based on their source material, then it's not really that helpful.

Doesn't really help me that superheroes/comics are generally considered the epitome nerdiness. I mean, I'm not particularly worried about being branded as a nerd so long as that isn't my only branding.

I'm rambling. The moral of this story is that I recorded my first YouTube video of an acoustic pop song I wrote. The recording quality sucks. I was on extremely limited equipment options, but it's close to serviceable. The song itself? Not shabby. Check it out.

"The Stolen Heart"

The Things You See

I've gotta say, it's pretty crazy to me to realize what things you can see when you know what to look for.

I refer to the effect my ethics class is having on my viewing of movies, TV, etc..

Right now, I'm watching the X-Men cartoon that started in 1992. "A cartoon? Aren't those made for kids?"

No... well yes, I suppose that was their original target audience, but there is surprising depth in this series.

From life experiences, themes of leadership and authority come through loud and clear to me, and the interactions that show these themes are just as real as any other would be (albeit not quite with the same phrasing as would be present in most conversations).

Because I'm looking for ideologies and messages, I can see all sorts of things that are far more mature in nature than the animated exterior would lead you to think.

Take, for example, the issue of self-defense. In this show, there are characters who want to attack others as preemptive self-defense. Then there are characters who think that, if being attacked, any action in self-defense is acceptable. There are then characters who constantly say that "no humans can be harmed" even in self-defense.

These views all make me think of the larger worldviews and values discussed in my ethics class. This show demonstrates various views in conflict with each other as each person tries to carry out his/her view.

It's pretty impressive. It just requires knowing what to look for.

Actually, it may require something much more basic. Seems to me that it requires learning to look beyond the surface. Even if you don't know what to look for, you may be surprised at the great host of things just out of plain sight in a lot of shows.

Even in animated series. (Don't get me started on Full Metal Alchemist tonight. I could go on for days about that show.)

Confessions

Yes. Come one. Come all. (It's a tragic affair.) Time me to reveal my darkest secrets to you, my loyal followers, for all to see on this thing they call the internet.

I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic tonight.

...What? You were expecting me to actually divulge the secrets of my "other, darker life" in which I am also awesome? Good luck with that one.

But seriously, Shopaholic was surprisingly enjoyable. I mean, I don't hide the fact that I enjoy romantic comedies and the like, so that shouldn't be surprising. Still, it was fun and charming even if it's a bit formulaic.

Plus its pretty obvious message about consumer debt being bad stuff was something I approve of.

Man I hate debt.

In other news, I started watching the 90s X-Men cartoon (didn't think I'd go a day without saying something nerdy, did you?). It's surprisingly good so far.

Disuse and Overuse

You ever tried to do a lot of muscle-heavy work in a short period of time after not really doing much of the muscle work?

Yeah... welcome to my today.

My family got a bunch of new furniture and I needed to move it all into place (after acquiring it, of course). No big deal. I like physical labor. Moving stuff around is easy street.

That is... until I somehow manage to mess up my arm.

Yep. A muscle in my left forearm is not happy with me right now. I lift stuff a bit... so I'm not sure what happened... but it seems a lack of use followed by sudden and prolonged heavy use is not my friend.

I can't ball a fist without a bit of discomfort... and typing isn't even my favorite thing right now.

Looks like no Street Fighter for me tonight. Sad times!

I Love Ikea

Have you heard? It's true.

I really do love Ikea.

And not in the "let's be friends" sort of way, either. More that passionate, deep love that says "not even the gates of hell cold stand between you and me."

...

Enjoying that melodrama?

In all seriousness, they have all kinds of crazy stuff that's cool to look at... and even buy if I actually have more than a buck to my name when I visit.

But the real gym is their food court.

For a buck, I got a "small breakfast." A scoop of scrambled eggs, two slices of bacon, and some rather tasty potatoes make up this meal in their cafeteria.

Then I went downstairs to their miniature version of their cafe to get a bottomless softdrink and large cinnamon roll for a buck-fifty.

But here's the greatest bit of all... their fountain drink machine has lingonberry on tap.

Make no mistake... lingonberry juice is dat fyre.

It even trumps fountain Mountain Dew in my book, and that is a very big feat.

If you haven't experienced Ikea yet, I recommend you do so immediately.

Right now.

Go go go go go!

It's Magic

Are you familiar with that card game that came out like... a decade or more ago? Y'know the one... that got countless people (be they students or business folk) to sit around tables... freaking out over pieces of paper with weird fantasy images and lore printed on them?

Yeah. That's the one. Magic: The Gathering.

I've never played the game. When I was younger, it was deemed a great evil by my parents (playing it now... I can see why people/Christians would say that, so I'm not complaining... and I was like... 13 at the time). Didn't really bother me any... I had other things to do... and none of my friends were into it.

Well... I've never played the game until today. See, the game was turned into a video game now on the Xbox. I said "what the heck?" and downloaded the demo and gave it a run.

I see why it would have hype. It's a lot of fun... even though it has to be the epitome of nerd-dom. A video game... based on a card game... revolving around pretty out there fantasy things. Yeah... pretty sure that's as nerdy as it gets.

But whatever. I've been a nerd most of my life. I try not to nerd out around people who have no interest in such things, but that hardly changes what I do and don't like.

This game... I like it a lot.

It feels oddly fast paced while maintaining good strategic depth.

The full version also promises great multiplayer components... a definite plus since my brother was getting all excited while watching me play the demo.

Time to go make a purchase.

Too Many Things

I realized something today.

I can only realistically learn a few things at a time.

This came to my attention when I was looking at the summer fighting game release list (if you didn't see this coming, you really need to do a better job of stalking me online).

Seriously... BlazBlue, King of Fighters XII, Marvel vs Capcom 2... all come out in the next two months. Sometime... the US release of Tatsunoko vs Capcom is actually coming out. Oh... and I still have Street Fighter... IV, HD Remix, and Third Strike to learn and master.

I can't do it. I can't do everything... at least... I can't learn everything all at once. I don't think it's possible.

If I said this made me sad, you would laugh at me. Actually, you're probably alread laughing because I'm talking about fighting games again.

Thing is... this goes for more than fighting games. Trying to learn a number of varied skills at the same time is no easy task.

The things I have to deal with.

I Haven't Forgotten

It may be the late evening, but I haven't forgotten about you!

Let's see... what do I wanna ramble about?

Call of Duty 4? Hmm. Could rave about it, but I think I already have.

Street Fighter IV? Same story.

Oh! I know! My new job!

Well, I'm not sure that it technically counts as a job since I will be doing contract work instead of being a regular employee. Nevertheless, I'll be working with a significant magazine as a game researcher of sorts. I'll be getting paid to play through selected games and supplying thorough notes for the staff writers to use as a reference tool when putting together the actual review.

Bottom line: All those times I was told I would never make money playing video games? Yeah. So much for that.


Which leads me to an exhortation of sorts. If you love doing something... really love it... and if you want to make a living off of it...

First make sure that you won't end up hating the thing if it's your full-time vocation. That actually happens to people... and it sucks. Don't let that happen. (It's one of the reasons I'm no longer in the field of software development.)

But the more important thing... if you really want to do something... I really believe that working hard at it, accepting difficulty and failures along the way, getting to know the right people, and a little bit of luck will make it possible.


Ten years ago, who would have thought that I could become a professional gamer? Yet here I am. So... what do you want to do? Who do you want to become? What's standing in your way?

Don't give up. If you want it, get out there and get it.

Getting Gas from the Corner

Have you ever watched Corner Gas?

I think you should give it a shot if not.

Well... if you have a sense of humor, anyway.


I just watched a seven episode marathon earlier this evening to celebrate my ending of the school term.

Real talk: I was laughing the hardest I've laughed in quite a while.


On an unrelated note, I love the expressions "FYI" and "Real talk." I use them a lot right now.

As Promised

I said I would make it a point to blog regularly again, and I'm upholding that promise today.

Earlier this morning, a friend got me thinking about something. Riley, here's looking at you, punk. <3

Basically, I got to thinking about what makes a movie appeal to me. Yeah... sometimes... style does get to me. No way around it; I couldn't pass up watching The Spirit purely because of its style.

Lucky for me, I actually rather enjoyed it even beyond its style.

See, the thing that makes a movie click for me is its characters and the worldviews they present.

For example, I give you The International. A movie that isn't amazing in cinematic or writing terms, but I still really enjoyed it.

And not because Clive Owen shot at people.

When I watched the movie, the entire thing revolved around notions of justice and how to achieve it. When Clive Owen's character was challenged in his view of justice, effectively forced to rethink his ideals and how to bring them about, I understood it.

I related to it. And it's that, the connection with challenges to a given worldview that I hold, have held, or have failed to understand that makes a movie stand out to me.

The rest is nice and all, and I can appreciate good cinematics and the like, but my love for a movie is usually rooted in these notions.

Which is why I rarely refer to a movie in terms of quality ("this is a great movie," or "this movie sucks") since... even though I can measure things in those terms I hardly care to. The subjective impact of a movie is what interests me, and that is what I'll refer to when talking about movies.


In other news, I really, really, really love Coheed and Cambria. I cannot wait to see them in three months.


Also, my next post will be more casual and stuff.

That Was a Quick Month

So... I just realized that I... uh... I haven't updated my blog in a month... to the day.

My mistake. Got carried away with end of the term busyness and so on.

And mostly just forgot to update it.

Well... I'm back... again... I hope.


In recent news, I'm no longer planning on going to Florida. Tragic, huh? Not gonna lie, I'm pretty bummed about it, but I'm getting something really close to a full-ride at Multnomah between private school and public federal aid. Compared to the thousands of dollars of debt I would be racking up, I can't really pass this one up. It just means I gotta live in the eternal rains for another two years.

Also, tomorrow is my final final of the year... and my final final at Clark, barring a possible return for a PE credit for my own enjoyment. Can't complain about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu on the cheap, after all.

Speaking of... I'm planning to start up Budoshin Jujitsu out on the east side of the county this Friday. Very exciting stuff.

I'll all this a post. I'll make it a point to post more often now that I'm done with school for the summer.

Go me.

Keeping this Updated

I suck at posting every day. I get carried away with things, and... that's that.

I wrote a crazy paper this week. I watched La Strada for ethics class... then I had to write a paper on it. A 3-4 page paper with community college standards.

I couldn't stop myself. I went six pages with university-level detail. I ended up with a pretty solid paper... considering how little there was to go off of in terms of film material.

I was subsequently called a genius for this achievement. It happens.

Also, I'm loving Goozex. I've got a bunch of awesome games coming at minimal cost to me; the cost of shipping on outbound games and a dollar-per-trade charge that Goozex charges. Still... an awesome deal.

Oh. And I've officially decided on going to Florida. I'm crazy excited, but this means pulling money together from who-knows-where.

And it means I can't put forth the cash to buy tickets to see Uematsu in Seattle this summer. Shoots!